Who Needs A Re-do? There is No Shame in Starting Over
It's nearing the end of summer. It's hot. My kids are all still laying in their beds playing on their screens. We are still living with my parents while we endure what has to be the slowest construction process ever under-gone. Last week should have been super productive.
But the storms and rain kept any large equipment off our property and everything at a standstill. The "end of summer" completion date is now estimated at the end of October. It's all got me feeling all kinds of "blah".
The standstill at our property is attempting to run over into my regular life. I've been in a slump.
Man, I hate typing that. Cause I'm not used to that feeling, honestly. I usually barrel through life all guns blazing but the past few months I've just been unmotivated. Not having a house is really starting to unravel my determination in certain areas.
Disappointment sets in. Boredom sets in. Excuses set in. Sluggishness sets in.
But if I've learned anything in the past 5 years it's the dangers of letting apathy set in. It usually seems harmless, but it seldom is. I'm reminded of Newtons first law: "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion". When I feel myself feeling sluggish I can't stand it. Even in a season, habits can be formed that continue a certain pattern. Just because we have excuses for our patterns doesn't mean they won't still stick.
Since I had to make a 6:30 a.m. delivery this morning I decided to do what I've been talking about for weeks. I told my husband, "I'm going to stay in town and finally go for that early morning run."
Now, at my best, my longest run was 14 miles (2 summers ago) and I ran consistently building up my endurance and stamina. But like I said, sluggishness had set in. All summer, I've probably only ran a total of 5 times. So I wasn't trying to be a hero this morning. I just needed to get back out there and start all over building back up my endurance for long-distance runs. I knew it would be a process. I knew my body would resent it.
As I jogged, I lamented having to start all over and how my body had digressed. My running time today was only seconds faster than my very first run 4 years ago. How sad you can't just keep up the benefits of running without actually running. Boo.
I was being hard on myself and fighting negative talk. It's your own fault this hurts so bad. You shouldn't have stopped. You should have been consistent. You're a beginner again.
Well guess what? Sometimes we hit a slump. Sometimes we get discouraged, or we give up for a while. And this is where I'll get to my point. Because my intention for this blog post isn't even about running, really.
I'm wondering who else has been in a slump and is beating themselves up today? Who else is calling themselves a loser because you have to start all over at square one again? Maybe you feel embarrassed because you should have overcome this already. You know better than this.
As I started over in my run this morning I thought of my friend who texted me again yesterday. She is struggling with addiction. She relapsed again. Does her self-talk sound like mine? Loser. How could you? You had come too far to start back at square one again. Your'e hopeless.
I'm thinking of friends who have started toward a goal and became overwhelmed (or underwhelmed) so they are struggling with abandoning ship mid-journey. You'll never achieve your goal so don't even try. You're wasting your time.
This morning I needed to re-set my personal settings.
I needed a re-do. I silenced the negative self-talk and I invite you to do the same.
It's never to late to change your settings. Christine Caine says, If you woke up this morning and there was not a chalk line drawn around your rusty dusty, you are alive today for a purpose.
Who cares if you have to start over? Begin. Again.
And Again. And Again.
This motivation courtesy of Mumford and Sons blared in my ears this morning as I began again:
It seems that all my bridges have been burned
But you say 'That's exactly how this grace thing works'
It's not the long walk home that will change this heart
But the welcome I receive with every start
Let's use today as a call for new action. Welcome back.